Musical Nights

Hi All,

It has been sometime, how have you been? A lot has changed since we last spoke. I changed jobs. Relationships changed with family and friends.  And then finally, I’ve found a job that I love (can you believe I’ve been on this one for over a year, despite a bad hike?).

Fast track to today, we’re all caged in our own houses for our own good (P.S – Do you also notice how free birds and animals are because we are caged in? Maybe we are the virus?). All this because one tiny micro-organism (and we thought we’re the best!) is on a homo-sapien killing spree.

But, in these testing and frustrating times, I’m here to talk of weirdly tiny romantic stuff that keeps us afloat everyday (Anyone could use a dose of positivity now right? 🙂 )A small story of an ounce of magic that adds beauty to my dull nights here. Here goes…

I’m 26 years old, and from a decade ago, while my sister and I were still in school, on a few blissful nights we would hear a soothing baritone singing old hindi songs of Kishore Kumar or Mohammed Rafi, from the building opposite to our typically middle-class home. We were always fascinated by the voice that was just as soothing and magical in boring nights.

I remember, even if one of us was asleep the other would nudge the other awake, if we heard the stranger’s voice crooning.  Followed by series of fascinated teenage giggles and desperate peeking out of the window to catch a glimpse of the face of the owner of the melodious voice. We always wanted to find out who the owner of this voice was, the singer who brought in hope and smile through our teenage years and as we progressed into becoming young women. Even if we wanted to find out, our strained relationship with the building owner (who brought only nuisance and dirty drains into our lives and lane) held us back from socialising with any of the 20 tenants in the horrendous opposite building.

But as we went through different phases in life, and while I moved cities and homes for education and job, his voice faded away from our memories.

Now, as all of us are confined to our houses; forced to be working from our homes, cooking, making tiktok videos, arguing with the house-mates (in my case parents), browsing through our old stuff, finding old diaries and burning pages that were full of pain we wish we’d never had, having extended photoshoots inside the house in different poses and angles, smiling at cute letters & greeting cards that our old friends and flames gave us and rekindling our old hobbies, some voices from the past also reach out to us.

As I finish arguing with friends about about their lack of enthusiasm to dance on songs over video calls and cut the call, a familiar baritone from my window teases my ear, makes me smile. ‘Meri Sapno Ki Rani Kab…’ the carefree singer continues, unaware of a secret admirer nearby. I am further delighted when this jamming session is now accompanied by a guitar. Maybe, just maybe the familiar voice of an unknown stranger, on a silent night when PM announced the beginning of 21 day lockdown starting midnight to curtail the pandemic in the country of 1.3 billion dreams, that made

There is something extremely powerful about art & music that heals souls and gives new lives. For me though made me write after over a year.

Thank you wonderful stranger for the magic through your music. Thank you medical professionals & other professionals who work even now so that we can stay home & stay safe!

Stay Strong Everyone! Smile & Spread Some Cheer! Good Vibes Only ❤

Love,

A Grateful Stranger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kuch Bheege Alfaaz!

I turned to Netflix to seek some escape from the thoughts running wild in my head and upsetting my otherwise happy life. I did not expect much, only thought this would be just another cheesy romantic watch which I would forget right after I finish watching it, but I was in for a surprise!

It has been a long time since a movie has touched me so much, Kuch Bheege Alfaaz is so beautifully made and the dialogues are just heart warming. This movie was a perfect blend of three things I absolutely enjoy, and had me hooked from the first scene.

Firstly, I have always been a sucker for Hindi poetry, sher and shayari in specific. I do not know any of them by heart but when someone recites these, I’ve already placed them on a pedestral.

Secondly, Radio shows have defined my college life and school life. I’ve always dreamt of becoming an RJ someday. When the RJs in the morning would crack a joke I’d laugh out loud to have fellow passengers look at me like I am some lunatic. The advices and fun in the morning Radio shows and the late night RJs with deep voices telling you soul stirring stories, would just be the only thing that the romantic in me would need to smile. I can tell you that Radio stations play the best songs on the weekends, and when that favourite song of yours is requested and played on the radio, you can just imagine yourself as the main characters in a movie and dance around.  I celebrated like it was my own radio show when one famous comic today, had excitedly spoken for the first time on his own show as a newcomer, and I felt his nervousness and thrill right through the radio like it were my own emotions on my very first radio show.

Thirdly, personal deep conversations. The ones that you have with an absolute stranger you just met, but about the deepest sometimes scary, sometimes the happiest memories of their life. The special feeling, when someone lets you know of their deepest fears, greatest desires and the dreams, in short baring all their emotions in front of you and leaving themselves so vulnerable. Some nights that I treasure in my life, are the conversations I have had with my friends, family and strangers looking right into the darkness over a cuppa tea or sometimes on a journey.  The stories are beautiful and sometimes so painful that you know this is probably the most intimate conversation you could have with that person ever. They are just so beautiful.

Kuch Bheege Alfaaz, had everything that was needed to stir my soul and make me fall in love with the creation. Poetry, Radio, Conversations, Stories, Vulnerability, Rawness and Imperfection. When Mr. Ittefaaq AKA RJ Alfaaz, just broke down while opening up I wanted to walk through my screen hold him tight and never let him go. Archie’s struggle and yet the charm is so beautifully captured. Another thing I loved about this movie is the setting, especially the huge spacious house of RJ Alfaaz with so much space and barely anything that would make it a home. His house was shouting of his emotional space and his story in general. Archie’s home in contrast was brighter but older, the switches spoke of the age of the house. It was delightful to watch how each relationship between the characters unfurl starting from the first scene, be it friendship, mother daughter bond, bonds at work, romantic bonds and just the bond between the chai wala and the customer.

If you are someone who enjoys similar things as I do, if you are also incapable of watching shows with bloodshed and violence and are in search of a story that would be a good watch, then go fall in love with Alfaaz and Archie.

I might have loved the movie because of my association with three major things, but kuch bheege Alfaaz, really did pierce right into my tiny little heart. Isi baath pe pharmaya hai,

Humne bhi kabhi gauwr farmaya tha,

Woh raat mei mauhaul hi aisa jamaaya tha,

Aap jaise kisi shaqs ne hi sunaya tha,

Aur aaj phir yaad aa gaye woh bheege se Alfaaz!

 

Thank you, Onir sahab! You left me sobbing and smiling.

NOTORIOUS, BIG 3O!

Today is a rant about the one thing that any 25+ year old would have heard atleast once! You are getting old! The big 30 will be soon here! When will you get MARRIED?

Then you see your Instagram flooded with posts from your graduate college batchmates  who are rushing into matrimony because they are already 29! My friends are heard saying I’m already 28, my parents want me married by the time I am 29! And what if you turn 30 and are not married yet! Oh no! What will happen then? You’ll die alone! Just marry any Tom, Dick and Harry in your arranged matrimony, but before you turn thirtyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Hey it’s not so old school anymore! You actually get to date the person before you decide on getting married even in an arranged setting. Actually, not much has changed even there. I speak from the stories of my close friends and cousins.

Scene 1: Guy’s dad came home to see my friend and finds her suitable. Families exchanged congratulatory squeals! Wedding is fixed! The funny part is the 2 hadn’t even met when the marriage was fixed.

Scene 2: The marriage is fixed and the couple exchange numbers on the day of the engagement.

Scene 3: Wedding is fixed right in the first meeting, happens in a month.

All of these are to rush each of them into marriage before they approach the monster year! The big 30!

The scenes are scarier than they make a fuss of turning 30!

It feels like there is a time line to everything that is set by the society. Should be married by 30! Kids by 33! And then by 45 dealing with teenagers. When you are 50, just start forcing your children to follow the same cycle, warna log kya kahenge?

Of course, you need to spend on that big ass wedding with guests who don’t give a shit about you but are there only to eat, you will be paying for their accommodation and entertainment. Don’t your ageing parents need a place that they can spend their retirement money on and take loans? It’s about time you start taking loans too, the wedding ceremony where you marry a stranger who is also decorated and presented for the guests to look at and pass judgements, will be the perfect beginning that you would need to venture into the dark region of the bank loans. This is obviously presented glamorously in the television advertisements for jewellery with a few emotional scenes between the father and daughter, aww so perfect! So all this needs to be done before you hit the big 3O!

‘You know you would love this nice guy who is the only son, well settled he is! My god so handsome! Arrey, just meet him and then decide no? You won’t say no! You’re growing old, you don’t have much time in hand.’

‘See you look so nice! This is your second younger cousin who is getting married. You already are an elephant which has grown its teeth! You will be 30 in a couple of more years. What do you mean you are not settled yet? You have a job no? Come come you are wearing a saree also, perfect photo I’ll take, there was this family who was asking.’

‘Yeah yeah, you only get excited about your friend’s wedding? Come here, let’s have a talk. Don’t take examples from the family for all the marriages, there are happily married couples also. For example… Hmm no one I can think of for now, but there are plenty. Believe me. It’s the right age, before the monster 30 approaches!’ :O

‘You know, that uncle called me today. He told me about his daughter, 3 years your junior she is soon going to get married. He was asking what is your plan? I told him, she’s uselessly travelling the country like a nomad. Everyone can’t be blessed with obedient daughters like him, na?’

 

Having a regular dose of these on a daily basis, you would become an expert at gauging when the topic shift is about to happen and when the aunties, parents and entertainment seekers are mobbing up against you. You then quickly get up pick up your phone, pretend it is a very important phone call and walk away. If all of it happens too quick, pass a hurtful sarcastic remark about the sad marriages of the ones targeting you. Gain complete knowledge and gossip about failed engagements, marriages and dysfunctional relationships which have recently occurred in your friend circle or in the family and present them as your arguments. Quote celebrity lives who were older, have never been married and are happy as hell. Quote examples of happy late marriages, especially the ones around 40s. Gets you more time. Tell them about your dreams and ambitions (they wouldn’t care, but worth a try).

Yeah, so that is my rant of the whole rush of weddings before they turn 30! I think if you are really ready, love your partner and are absolutely sure of what you are getting into, only then do it. This could be when you are 20, when you are 30, when you are 50 or 60! Whenever, but when you are ready and sure.

I wish people would move away from just looking at one wedding day, and spending their money and effort on it but instead focus on the other things which make relationships and marriages worth it and not just an obligation.

 

My younger cousin is getting married next month, yeah it is a shotgun wedding. The guy and the girl haven’t met yet, but they are getting married. I am thinking if I should really risk it all,  my mood, happiness and sanity to be a part of her happiness/wedding, or should I just skip all the drama as usual to get angry phone calls from relatives?

 

I’ll decide on this later, but maybe all of us should give the big 30 a rest and make it not so significant 30. It is not a milestone. Life is not a race. We all have different milestones. Let us try and accept that?

Adios!

All my love,

Dhanya

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Break and Back.

So, you know the story so far. Quit job, took a break and now I am almost getting back to work in a week. I really like the job profile but I do have a few concerns regarding the other aspects. I hope I get to learn and also be the best at the job. It is something that I am looking at with a long term perspective. I am hoping that the compromises I am making would be worth it at the end of the day.

The time during my break has been brilliant. I absolutely enjoyed the time I got, be it travel or socialising. But, there was just not enough ‘me’ time. I enjoy spending time alone, a lot. I love taking myself out to the movies and eating out. This time I did not get to do much of that. I am not complaining though, because be it spending time with family or travelling with friends, I was grateful to have such loving human beings in my life. I agree there were days when I was absolutely done with people and also done advising them on how to solve their life problems when I hadn’t ever experienced any of those in my life. But I was always glad to have them in my life. It is funny how my life had a few significant events in the months that I was absolutely jobless. I didn’t get anywhere around chasing my creative pursuits but I did learn to cherish some people who were cheering and supporting me in their own little ways, which overwhelmed me in many ways than one.

I am now looking forward to crazy challenges and fun that is in store for me at the new place, and even more to the inspiring leaders, mentors and individuals I would meet in this new adventure. I think I chose this place because they spoke words that were very different from the other organizations that I interviewed at, where they would say ‘the everyday work could get boring and monotonous’ , but here I heard them say ‘there is never a dull day, every day we can be certain to learn something new’. I really wish this would be one of the choices that I would look back and be glad that I made this choice instead of choosing the more attractive option.

How do I end this one? Cheers to the future!

P.S – I forgot to mention, I made wine at home for the very first time during the break. And, I must say it is a strong one! 🙂

 

Unfinished Painting

Unfinished painting leaning on the wall,

Spreads it’s love, it’s such a charm.

Inspired by the subjects, I picked up my brush,

Must get some colours straight from their lives, oh such leaders they have been.

Painting had then begun, but colours on them refused to dry.

I left them out there to dry, months and months untouched by brush.

That unfinished painting across the room,

Makes me smile, such a charm.

Right on the wall next to the charm, photographs of people I adore.

Photographs with smiling faces, of the ones I’ve known all my life. The ones I could refer to as my life.

Just above these pictures are the ones from my recent past. People I’ve come to love just way too much.

Unfinished painting across my room,

Fills me with life, oh such a charm.

Looking at the photographs and then back at the painting lit by fairy lights,

I contemplate my life decisions, yet again I’m in such a fix.

A dream I’ve dreamt from the time I do not even remember, and the life filled with the ones I treasure.

I must choose. I must be wise.

Unfinished painting across the room,

Helps me contemplate, it’s such a charm.

Above the painting are two hand made lamp shades, boasting of creativity that is somehow now lost.

The mild yellow light, tells me how I’m getting fond of some more just one step at a time.

I do not rhyme, I cannot whine. Cuz this is what I wanted so bad.

Unfinished painting leaning on the wall,

Love, Dreams & Life. You will always be a charm.

Hyderabad For Soul.

I am penning this down as I travel back to Bengaluru to get back to another day in front of laptop, with people all around cribbing about getting back after a long weekend. I did not want to delay writing about this trip like I did last year, and had I forgotten all the little incidents and details.

One thing you should know about me is that, if you invite me to your city when I am free, I will not say no. Today, I am so glad for once that my disability to say no, worked very well for me.

Most people like me,  who are in their twenties, are stuck in life situations/ jobs/ relationships that they either hate or have no clue where it is going. We dream of touching the sky, then the reality hits us that a plane ticket is the only thing that will take us away to get us closer to that sky. I don’t make any sense, yeah that’s how we feel almost all the time.

Stuck in such life situations, we usually choose small escapes. Travel. Momentary reliefs. That’s what I also had thought of Hyderabad trip. But this became so much more than just that.

Greeted by warm smiles and filter coffee, a lovely swing that we came to love, Keesara Gatta for sunset, mom made dinner served with love, laughter until late night and crashing on the bed. A perfect first day.

Second day began with my kind friends waking me up with patience, South Indian breakfast served with warm filter coffee and the morning newspaper all this while soaking in the warm morning sun in the beautiful balcony, then we were exploring the rooftop garden grown with such care, and we also got a chance to plant one pot of seeds each, carrot, radish,  onions, gongura etc. await our arrival the next time. Then, we also went down the memory lane of summer vacations by playing Holi with the colourful berries from one of the plants right ghere and then mosturing our skin and hair with the home grown Aloe Vera. With all that mud and colours there was a need to clean ourselves, shower and freshen up to get ready for the crazy day that lay ahead of us.

By the time we were all ready we greeted newer faces who were old friends of the household. UNO with rules and new rules helped the ice breaking and then after the sumptuous and delicious lunch we were all set to explore Numaish.

Numaish, as you enter you can see a tide of human beings ebbing in and realise that it is no small deal. Numaish, has everything you need at the price you can bargain for. With all the shopping, bargaining and kepeing track of all 8 people all of us were exhausted and just wanted to get back, but then the magic happens. Giant wheel, I love these rides but this one was really scary. I do not remember the time I did not scream during this ride. But then was it worth it, absolutely! As soon as we had our adrenaline pumping we were ready for Columbus and Cup & Saucer too.  The braver ones amonget us, captured the screams and madness of the rides in their cameras to which became an entrainment after the entertainment for all of us.  Searching cabs, explaining our location to the driver who wouldn’t understand, eventually getting our legs some much meeded rest we reached back to our favourite swing that again was welcoming us very warmly. Tired, but still we didn’t hit the bed immediately.

 

We had our dinner that was warm because, mother.  While the elders of the household went to sleep, we decided to turn on TV to entertain us during our dinner. K3G was on, I would then go on to say dialogue much to the annoyance of my friends. I then decided to finally shut up. Once the movie ended we then went on to watch half of the last episode of F.R.I.E.D.S. All of us soon succumbed to the need of rest that our bodies demanded and fell asleep.

The last day, morning began exactly as warmly as the previous morning. Breakfast, Sun, Warmth, Smiles, Filter Coffee and  Shower.

We then went to Charminar, we met the childhood bestie of one of us and who also joined us with the rest of the exploration for the day. We went on to spend some time at Charminar, click the mandarman instant photograph, drink the yummiest chai and taste the tastiest Pineapple cake from Nizam bakery.

 

Then we expired the chudi market right in front and bought some gorgeous bangles and headed to Paradise hotel for lunch. We reached there by 4.30 pm but then we had to wait for 50 mins after the token, but since we didn’t have time for that we took a parcel and set out to explore a park where we could sit and enjoy our Biriyani.

We found the park, ate till we could eat no more, clicked pictures next to ”LOVE HYD” and got back home to pack & catch my bus back to Bengaluru.

The trip was extra special because I had no access to Internet, most of us didn’t have. Which made us live right there and not wander else where, talk to people in the room, listen and laugh.

I know though the trip was effortless and beautiful for us, our friend spent hours in making this trip perfect for us. The mother of the household took such efforts to get us the tastiest homemade food while we explored the city. The father of the household created a  perfect setting for us to enjoy, be it the silly bubble fights we had on the terrace or the finance planning help.

This Hyderabad trip was heart – warming. All the people who were in it and who made it happen, thank you! Thanks for asking, I loved it.

Addicted to Mumbai.

There are a million memories in this dream city during the past two months that I would never trade. I am overwhelmed by the love that this city has showered on me. It breaks my heart to leave this place.

I did not know anyone when I moved into this city two months ago. I had no expectations from this city. But for me, Mumbai definitely was everything and more.

It was just a leap of faith when I decided to live with strangers, but today those strangers are by my side to bid me farewell.

There was a company I thought was a bit boring before I sat through its interview, but then it turned out to be one the most happening of all places that I have had the chance to be a part of.

I have had exceptional teachers in my school days.No, they were not exceptional because of their knowledge but because they understood me and they moulded me so beautifully even without me realising it. I had not found such teachers till the day I entered NVM. Jeetu sir is without doubt the best mentor that anyone can ever have. He has mentored us, helped us work on our flaws and taken care of us. He means a lot more to us than most of our lecturers in college. A true teacher and a gem of a person. I’m so glad that sir was out mentor. The founders of NVM Balli sir and JP sir too inspired us with so much more than just knowledge. Their life experiences, struggles and most of all their friendship, will give anyone who meets them #career goals and #friendshipgoals for life.

Mumbai gave me a chnce to reconnect with my relatives and cousins who I hadn’t met in a long time. Mumbai taught me that I could actually go broke, true to the last penny. I borrowed money for the first time in my life, waited eagerly for two weeks for the stipend to arrive, with just 40 bucks in the bank. Mumbai told me the importance of stocking up enough food at home, so that you don’t starve when you have no money to buy anything. Mumbai showed me the coolest streets to go street shopping in and that it is just pue badluck if BMC shows up the day you decide to shop. I fell in love with the Mumbai local trains, the bindass Mumbaikars, the gentlemen of Mumbai & the strong women of Mumbai, stylish babies in Carter road, Sunset of Bandstand and the Skyline of Marine drive.

MUMBAI is where my heart is going to remain from now on, surprisingly I did not miss home for the first time, during my stay here for two months. I feel guilty for saying this, but I didn’t miss home even little bit. Maybe it is true when they say home is where the heart is. Home is Bangalore. Home is also Mumbai.  I smiled everyday I was here, maybe that’s why it is so difficult to leave. And more tough is to leave without shedding tears.

Before I leave I must say this, thaaaaaaank youuuuu Muuumbaaai. Thank you for everything.

I looooooooveeeeeeeeeeeeee youuuuuu Mumbaaaai.

 

Awkward XD

The last Supper

NVM sweetness.

Ugly chocolate facial.

Roomies 🙂

Mumbai.

 

Mumbai. I stepped into this city without keeping high hopes, I was ready to accept whatever it threw at me. It has been three weeks till now and I must say that the dream city has not disappointed me. If you are ready to adjust a little bit and blend into its ways this city will give you much more than you expect from it. I am absolutely in love with the city and its people.

The below collage is a collection of photographs from the little adventures in this fast-paced city.  From the little time I have spent in two different cities, I can tell that how much you like a city is also dependent on the lives that touch you and the experiences you’ve had with strangers. Call me superstitious, but I was skeptical of writing about the city scared that I might jinx my luck. But, it would be unfair if I do not make note of the time I am actually very happy when I have cribbed and ranted during my unhappy times.

Mumbai was magical, but my first day in the city was not so magical. The first day I was ready three hours before time and decided to take the local from Churchgate to Goregaon in the morning to reach my office on time, given that it was the first day of internship. I also had my dad with me with his luggage, he was going to check into a hotel in Goregaon which would be closer to the flat I have taken on rent and also my workplace. We got into the local and it was not so crowded, and we occupied a seat near the window. I thought it’s not so bad as my friends had spoken about peak hour rush in the local. Little did I know I couldn’t be more mistaken. Slowly the compartment started getting more and more crowded. By the time local stopped at Bandra and Andheri stations the local was jam-packed, no space to move no space to breathe. By then my dad and I were both sure there is no way we could get off at Goregaon Station, we better get down at the last stop Borivilli. Somehow after Goregaon  station we slowly moved with the luggage to the door. Even now the train is jam-packed. Train stopped at Borivilli station and I somehow got off, some unknown gentleman helped me in finding  my lost shoe and helping me get out of the stampede situation. But then what do I realise? The crowd at the  Borivilli station did not let my dad to get down and he was still stuck inside the train. I was not even able to get to see him from the window because of the rush and his phone was also not reachable. I stood there for about 15 minuted hoping he will somehow manage to get down, even when I knew that is highly unlikely. I had a huge suitcase in my hand a backpack and I had 45 minutes to reach office on the first day of work. I then decide that there was no use waiting there and I pick up that suitcase and backpack and go out to find an auto while trying to contact my dad on the phone. I call for an auto, just to be told that there was no probability that I get to Goregaon in 45 minutes, it will take me at least two hours to get there because of the huge road-block . I decided that was better than waiting there that I atleast get moving. I informed my colleages about the situation and dropped off my luggage at broker’s place and reached my office sweating and my clothes and hair all ruffled. I rushed to the near-by rest room to make myself look presentable. Yes, I reached my office two hours late on the first day of the work. Thankfully, half the office had not yet reached because of the railway and road-block I was stuck in.

Yes, I was reunited with my dad in the evening when he came to visit me and explained that his luggage was stuck to the door and was not able to get down. He had finally got off at Andheri and had taken a cab from there to get to the Hotel. My dad went home after two days and it puts him to ease that I’ve settled down here. It was a scary experience for me and somehow became a story to tell after that initial tension and helplessness died down.

I was determined to not judge my dream city because of one incident. That proved to be the best decision ever. I found such amazing mentor in office, the colleagues are slowly becoming more of family. The work and work culture is wonderful. I have fallen in love with Marine Drive and Band-Stand. I can go crazy over love the pav-bhaji’s at Sardar and the Biriyani at Cafe Noorani. I get a high cooking my own food and feeling all independent.  Chilling with old friends one night and hanging out at BSK connecting with new people has been Amazing. Reconnecting with a cousin and visiting Haji Ali and Mahalakshmi during sunset is another experience that I would never trade. Meeting Amish,  the man who made Shiva believable and made me wonder about the scientific knowledge that existed in the olden Indian civilizations which is now long lost, was such a fulfilling experience. I have found more people I can connect to, at work my colleagues and at home my roommate whom I chat till late in the night. It is wonderful how things fall into place eventually.

Metro train travel at midnight, traveling alone in the locals around the same time, friends checking on you if you reached safe, the transgender who blesses you every day at the signal on your way to work, exploring new places with friends and colleagues, conversations with strangers and smiling to yourself reflecting on something funny that happened during the day, would you not fall in love with the city when you get a dose of these at regular basis? Well I do not know about you, but I have.

 

PS: Goa trip is due this week, next post with details. Off to Bandstand for now 🙂

Fav text-message from a stranger.

One night during my Eleventh standard I was being the usual grumpy teenager and acting all depressed in life. I was having a long day, hectic schedule and a ton load of assignments and  studies were waiting to be completed for the next day. That’s when I received this message on my broken Nokia phone (whose keypad was wearing out and I had tied a red rubber band around the phone to hold it together) that put a smile on my face. This was from an unknown number, I had texted back to find out who it was, but I did not get any reply. As fate has it I have not found out till date who the sender of this beautiful four lines poem( which remains my favourite text message from a stranger) was. These four lines have remained with me for a long time, today when I was going through my old  journal entries I found these lines in the corner of a page and I was reminded of that text message.

पलके जो हमने भिगोए ही नहीं,
वोह सोचतें हैं कि हम रोए ही नहीं;
वोह पूछतें हैं ‘किसे देखते हो ख़ाबों में ?’
हम हैं कि एक अर्ज़े से सोए ही नहीं | 

 

P.S – If you are that stranger who sent me those lines,

If you did really know me in person,

And if you were/are not a creepy psycho,

Thank you 🙂

Clife

 

There are a few, unquantifiable moments in each of our lives… and before you know it, you’re asking your parents for permission to take ‘One Last Trip’ with your friends. Yes. College. A seemingly long drawn-out moment in life. Four years ago, if I were introduced to my current self, I would have scoffed at the possibility of being who I am today. Yeah, must have been one big moment.

You go into the ride, excited to ‘grow up’. You come out exhausted and with a ton of memories of the whirlwind ride. College opens up the bridge – that between the comforts of our adolescence and the big, bad world. The world we are thrust into, albeit in our 20s, is still too hot to handle. From not bothering how daddy paid my schools and toy fees, to wondering what exactly I’m going to do with my life, I have certainly grown. So much time has elapsed between the day I first walked around campus, wondering how I of all people would fit in, I of all people would study. Today I wonder how I ever will leave this place.

To every fight, every argument, every lunch break and every swear word.- It’s been a circumambulation – one way leading us all back to where we came from. In this roller coaster, I’ve met people who care for me from afar, who loathe me from the seat ahead, and those who never held anything back…

Endless miles of traffic, endless fights, endless disappointment and pain later, I am going to push forward with something to show for. An almost ubiquitous pang of dread is starting to form a bubble around us all. Where do we go from here? Is my life over or is it just about to take flight?

Future will always remain uncertain. It might change us into mature hardened individuals or happier childish souls. It may be better or worse than our days in college. Future might just be very boring and very tiring or it might be exciting with fresh challenges. But we do not know anything about our future now, nor can we ever perfectly predict how it is going to turn out.

All this time, all these people have left me with a whisker of knowledge – that being a grown up isn’t any big whoop. Enjoy each day as it comes, live it as you’d want. Because if four years can be fleeting, and frozen into a moment, life will pass us by.  All we have with us is today, this moment. We never know what to expect out of an uncertain tomorrow.So do everything you love right now don’t wait for tomorrow, Sharukh Khan is right when he says ‘ Kal Ho Na Ho.’

Kal Ho Na Ho.

Companion and I

Side by side we sat,

My companion and I.

No words were ever spoken,

No thoughts were exchanged,

No truths were being told;

No lies crept in between.

No masks were worn today,

Nor any faces were revealed,

Side by side we sat;

My companion and I.

Completely in sync,

Though lost else where,

Looking out into the same green;

Two contrasting worlds we saw.

Two pairs of eyes,

Two pairs of ears!

Monotony of the nature;

Calm sights,blissful sounds.

One foot distance separates us,

Did that result in this change?

Created alike, yet worlds apart;

Careful yet so carefree!

Selfless love and contentment,

One so full l,the other so null;

Side by side we sat,

My companion and I.

 An occasional touch or a smile,

An assurance, I’m by your side;

That’s all we need,

My companion and I.

CRUSH :D

‘Twang’ went the basketball into the basket, his team hugged him in celebration, he tilted hid head side-ward, ‘Oh shit!’ I gasped, ‘Neeta I guess he saw us looking at him’ Neeta said ‘Chill ya, we were looking at the entire team play 😉 ‘ Does this tickle any cute memories from your school or college life? Remember that Senior you used to have a crush on,or the prettiest girl in your class whom you liked, oh the crush on your lecturer is still a little embarrassing isn’t it? Remember the guy who turned around eighty times in thirty minutes to catch a glimpse of you in the class? Do you still remember the dance that stole your heart away or the soothing voice or that one quality that separated your special someone from the rest of the world? All this when your friends kept telling, ‘You like him/Her? OH god! That person is so ugly!’ , in spite of all that you still had a crush on that special someone in your school, college or any other place you found them in. 🙂 😛  Oh well, are you blushing thinking of that crush or you’re thinking about how stupid you acted at that time? You need not think that you are alone in it,every person reading this had or still has a crush on someone or the other. You are definitely not alone in it. crushes. This fact is very well known to all those romance writers and those movie producers, who cash in on our sentiments and our secret crushes to sell their movie or the book. Next time your close friend says ‘No, I do not have a crush on anyone’ you get up and call that a ‘Bluff’, because now I’ve told you the secret. My friend forced me to write about the most interesting subject to gossip about ‘ crush ‘.

I’m going to list down the symptoms you have when you are down with the fever called the crush, maybe you could relive those ‘irritatingly exciting moments with me’.

Firstly, how do you develop a crush on someone?

Answer: Mainly most crushes develop when you notice those special features or talents that you do not posses or you do and once these features or talents are spotted you are helplessly drawn to the person. Sometimes crushes also start with your friends misleading you with the statements ‘You know we think you guys will look cute together’ or ‘you know he/she keeps looking at you’ or ‘ I think he/she likes you’ or ‘OMG! he/she is so handsome’. When you hear such things you suddenly start noticing a person you didn’t even know existed till yesterday. Yes. Most infatuations/crush/like begin because of your friends…

Now what are the initial symptoms of this illness? 😛

Answer:

• You start hyperventilating at the sight of the person.

• You hope desperately that the person or your friends do not notice this.

• You pretend to act cool try and catch a good glimpse of the person, of-course you don’t make it obvious.

• You are constantly worried if it shows on your face. (‘My face didn’t swell up did it)

• You get an accidental text from that person you do a tiny little dance to celebrate, and grin for hours which makes people around you wonder if you’ve lost it!

• Even in texts you are too careful not to reveal anything. (Hi! 🙂 *thinks ‘Is it a little too much? Does the emoticon tell that I like him? * 😀 )

• You dream about them! most of the time ( wow, this is serious 😛 )

When does the crush turn into a mild headache?

Answer: The crush becomes a headache when your annoying friends get to know about it. Didn’t you just sigh when you read that? You are more scared that your friends know about it rather than the person itself. You know the torture that awaits.

These are the few things that happen when your friends know about the person you have a crush on.

* Your friends talk about your crush in the loudest possible manner, don’t they realise it’s a secret. ‘Susssh guys. People can hear!’

 

*They laugh out loud whenever your crush passes by and call our your name so loudly that the whole school/college can hear it, though they are sitting right next to you. ( ‘Oh stop it you guys!’)

* If they are acquainted to your crush they mention repeatedly how cute you guys are/ you guys should be dating/ how you and your crush have a similar taste etc in front of your crush.

* They come up with situations where you and your crush spend some quality time( read as awkward and embarrassing time) together.

* If you do not know your crush properly, your friends volunteer to make contacts with that person (‘You know my hostel mate’s classmate’s room-mate is his friend, we could ask them to join us for the trip na?’    Me: ‘Please,no! just don’t embarrass me any more,please’ (You beg them, but you know no use))

* They swear not to tell anyone about it, but then in a week the whole college knows , URGGHH! those idiots. Does he/she know about it too? I’d rather change my college now.

*They even make songs about you two.Special songs meant for you guys that only your friends and you know, for the rest of them it is just another normal song. Anytime they want to tease you, they sing the song be it in the middle of a very important lecture when you can’t even react. You are like ‘ I’ll kill you’ll today’today’

  * If any limit is set for embarrassment, all limits will be crossed to embarrass you, well you had to think twice before you became friends with them. Ab bhugto!

* They cyber-stalk the person,like craaazy. ‘You do know that there is a tiny little swing on the left-side of the right corner of his house right?'(Me: How the hell do you know that?)

* They stare at your crush whenever he/she passes by and give you the wickedest smile, then nudge the person next to them and point a finger at your crush and say ‘That person is her crush, there in the blue tee-shirt , on the bullet , see right there’ (‘Someone kill me now!’)

*They almost make sure your crush gets a hint about it, at least they make sure that your crush starts noticing you. 

What happens after the annoying friends phase?

Answer: You start annoying your friends with how amazing your crush looks today, how awesome they sing etc.

Below are the things that you would do after or during the annoying-friends phase of your crush period.

*Did you notice the way he looked today? So handsome!

* Did you know he/she is an excellent dancer/singer/sportsperson too!

*He/she loves dogs guys, isn’t that cute?

* I’m friends-with him/her on FB! So cool na? *  Me: I’ve to tell you guys something!            Friends: ‘What?’ Me: Long story after the class 😛   Friends: You always do this.

*ME: You’ll want to know what I dreamt about last night?            Friends: ‘no thanks, it’ll be some lame shit about that crush!    ME: Whatever!

• You want to go watch that movie at 2.00 in INOX today? Friends: Why? Is your crush going there today?

• His/her mom is pretty too. Friends: You cyber-stalked again. Yeah.(Looks down at the phone)

• There is some girl/ guy with my crush on my crush’s dp! 😦 (pray that they are your crush’s brother/sister/cousin. They do look similar,pakka cousin 😀 )

• Did you see this pic, such an adventure lover!                          Friends: Yeah, you can’t even climb the stairs, lazy bum.

*You won’t believe but he/she is a guitarist/drummer. Isn’t that awesome?

So this phase also passes then you either get bored of the crush or a more awesome person is spotted and your crush shifts from the present person and to the other or then you end up dating your crush and live happily ever after.

No,the last one is least probable, because most of us like living with regrets in our hearts. I mean if you’re 80 years old and have no regrets in your life then what’s the whole point of living,isn’t it? So you won’t ever tell your crush, that you had a crush and nor will your crush tell you the that they had a crush on you, because you know, you like living with regrets and you like not confessing thing, it’s so awesome. 😛

Or you do confess but then your crush smiles and says ‘ Oh that’s too cute, I like you too as a friend.’

Or you date your crush because your idiotic friends made it happen.

Having a Crush is that one thing that is full potential, it is up to you wheather you want to pursue it further or just enjoy the moment and let it pass. Whatever it is , it is that one phase that you become all needy,clingy, whiny and a little lunatic too.

Having a crush keeps your life interesting. Even after ten years at the college/school reunion when you and your friends are cracking jokes and someone brings up this topic in front of your crush, who would be still be unaware … Friend : ‘You remember the time when you had a crush on…’

You strangle your friend saying : ‘ Shut up, or I swear I’ll kill you.’

P.S: This post is dedicated to my annoying but amazing friends who forced me to write on this topic. I’m going to miss you’ll so badly. Love you’ll.College/School was fun only because you guys were by my side. Specially written for Bhavya and Apoorva. :*  This post is also dedicated to all my friends’ crushes and also a few of mine 😛 ; the lecturer, the school friend, the 80 times head turner 😛 , the senior, the super-senior, the abacus mate, the best-friend, the I don’t know you in college but I know you when I text person, etc. All the above mentioned people, thanks for existing and making our lives  fun 🙂 And also dedicated to all the crushes of my readers, who went down the memory lane reminiscing their own experiences while reading this.Even if you thought this was bull-shit, thanks for reading till the end. Cheers! :* 🙂

Travel.

I love travelling. Not from today, from the time I was very little.Major travelling which took place in my life was the time when my sister and I went to my grandparent’s house in Kerala during our summer breaks. I used to look forward to the travelling the most.My dad seldom booked tickets before hand, in short we had unplanned journeys,which we loved of-course!

‘ Pack your bag I’m taking you guys to your granny’s’ , my dad would come in unannounced and order us.

‘Yay! we’re going by bus!’ we would squeal.

Here by bus, we did not mean the super cool volvos, here bus means the govt transport buses.We used to travel 700 kms by splitting our journey into five parts: Bangalore to Hosur, Hosur to Salem, Salem to Coimbatore, Coimbatore to Palakkad, Palakkad to Kottayam. Now the best part of this break journey was the food at every station we got down in: the filter coffees,the saravana bhavan masala dosas and idli vadas with the yummiest sambar and chutney,then the chicken kebab and fries from palakkad and payam pori’s of thrissur , just imagining these food makes my mouth water even now.

Another one thing that stuck to my little mind was the liveliness of the bus-stands when the rest of the world would be sound asleep.The bus-stands and the out-skirts of these bus-stands rustle with the sound of shops and travelers at all hours of the day and night. People selling flowers, snacks, toys, books,men gambling away to glory in one corner,ladies with bright red/pink lipsticks and fragrant jasmine pinned into their hair standing in a group and laughing at some incoherent jokes that someone cracked are the scenes so clear in my memory.This was my encounter from my initial trips during summer vacations with my dad.

As I grew older I became more fond of studying the co-passengers in the bus we traveled along with my love for food at different places. Every bus journey had some women who would push me and my sister into a single seat much to our annoyance! So what if we were small, the conductor didn’t let us sit there for free, we had to take half ticket! How dare that aunty with a huge bum pushed us and sat in our places while we meekly complained to our mother. The worst part about this thing is that it would often happen when we would have finally got some sleep. Apart from this annoying aunty I remember another brave lady, who sat next to my mother.

This lady held her one month old infant in her hand and was breast-feeding it, while she had goods for business that she had brought from Cochin to her home in a village somewhere between  Coimbatore and Salem.She got down in a deserted place at one thirty in the night!That too when her husband was away at some other place for business, and she had to walk back to her home about a mile away from that bus-stop all alone holding her infant in one hand and the luggage in the other. All this she does with a bright infectious smile on her face.

 

There are more such little but important incidents I remember from my usual trips of summer vacation but the journey that is closest to my heart is the one that I went on last October. I was thrilled beyond words when this email popped in my inbox, for you it might not be a big deal but for me it meant the whole world.

 

Dear INKster,

Congratulations! You have won a free pass to INK Live 2013.

We have good news for you. Due to the overwhelming and excellent responses for ‘All That Matters’, INK Live has selected more winners, and your entry is one of them.

Looking forward to see you there!

 

– INK Team

This was the best news I had heard in a while. I was sure that I would have a tough time convincing my parents to send me to INK by paying 3K, so winning a free pass to INK LIVE 2013 definitely went a long way in convincing my parents to let me attend it. This competition ‘All That Matters’ required us to fill in 4 words after ‘ ALL THAT MATTERS IS —— —— —– ——‘

and I wrote ‘ALL THAT MATTERS IS THE WAY I SEE MYSELF’  These four words had somehow managed to get me  a chance to travel alone for the first time. INK was happening in Ernakulam, a city that I have been to innumerable times but never alone, and when you are alone even in a city you’ve been before it makes you see the city in a new light. I traveled alone to get to my destination in a train filled with strangers and it is one of the best journeys of my life, I went to a place where I had no friends and no one I knew of. When I returned I returned with the confidence to write, the workshop by Lavanya Shankar  was so empowering, for once in a long time I felt I belonged in a crowd, I felt at home amidst strangers. I found so many like minded people who shared my passion for writing and travel.Within a short period I became friends with three awesome people Danny, Sundar and Surbhi.All three of them wonderful writers and excellent human beings. Spending just three days with them made me feel I knew them for a long time.Even now the fact that we are in touch makes me believe in the power of accidental encounters in accidental journeys. Even though I was a little nervous before I went to INK, I knew I had only gained a lot more than I ever expected. The new technologies, the common people who had the guts to do the common things which the rest of us are ashamed to do, the unconventional ideas,the different life stories from different people from all walk of life, the inspiring talks, workshops and the drum jam session made INK top the list of perfect trips in my life.

Well, before INK was my beautiful journey with my family to Munnar, which was perfect too. I went on a trip with my friends recently,during last semester break but even as the trip was completely crazzy and fun-filled , I missed the solitude and space I got to retrospect during the train and bus journeys I went on before.

I feel I am missing a very important part of my life by forgetting to travel, so I seized the oppurtunity when it came my way recently. You can learn so much from a journey than you can ever learn by spending a year amidst text-books.Well at-least for me this holds true 😛 😀 😛 🙂 😉  So grab a book, ear-phones, your mobile phone,some cash , pack your bags and set out to the place you always wished to get to.(Before that make sure your boss approves your leave application 😉 😛 )   )

Lights out-The Man in the Darkness.

WOW badge! I got selected in wow again 😀

I finish filing my work and Am ready to leave for home. As soon as I reach the lift, the lights in the building go off…

Shit! I always end up in awkward situations like this every-time. Ronit asked me just fifteen minutes before if I wanted a drop back home and what did I say? I said no. At-least if I had gone with him I could have avoided this situation. I’m stuck alone in the office lobby, in the nineteenth floor of the building with no light and no lift.Being fiercely independent has its side-effects too, just look at me for example I’m living in an unknown city all alone in a flat ten kilometers away from my office,  I’m stuck here but no one knows about it. Even if I died here tonight, no one will know till tomorrow morning.What is wrong with me? I must stop thinking of horrible things that can happen to me.

Now no use wasting my time regretting anything or over-thinking, I have to take the stairs. I cannot see anything. Let me at-least turn on my phone-torch. Good! It’s working. Where is the security guard?

‘RamLal, RamLal bhaiya aap kaha ho?’ I shout looking down from the stairs.

‘Meeta behen I’m in the ground floor.Come down carefully,there is some shattered glass on the stairs.’ RamLal’s feeble voice reaches me from the ground floor.

‘Okay. Wait up till I reach there.’ I scream at my loudest voice, making sure he can hear what I say.

I hold my torch-light high up and walk downstairs swiftly. By the time I reach fifth floor from the nineteenth floor I’m panting heavily, also sweating profusely. God! I have to go down another four floors! I sit down on the steps for two-minutes, in the dark,panting… I search for the water bottle in my bag. I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder.I’m stunned. I instantly turn the torch towards the person behind, the torch turns off… Low battery… I’m hyperventilating now.I’m scared.

‘Who who is there?’ I shout at my loudest voice.

‘You will never know darling…I love you from a very long time… A very long time… From the time you were a student at Brigade high School. You are gorgeous…’ He said. This sent a shiver down my spine… I didn’t know how to react. I clenched the pepper-spray in my bag, ready to attack the man in the darkness.

‘Behen are you okay?Where are you? What is taking you so long?’ RamLal bhaiya shouted from the ground floor.

‘Bhaiya… Some one is here… help me…’ I screamed with tears running down my cheeks unconsciously.

‘Don’t worry I won’t harm you. I’ll not even try to contact you after this. I just needed to tell you how I felt… That’s why I was always around you. I came for you from Bangalore to Mumbai.’ He said.I could feel his breath on my shoulders. I loathed myself for letting someone harass me and not doing anything.

‘I’m coming to you behen. Just don’t panic..’ Security Bhaiya said. I could hear him running up the stairs with full speed.

‘Bhaiya… Hurry up…’ I shouted as I tried to free myself from the Man in the Darkness. He held my hands from behind.I kicked him with my legs, but he seemed too huge to feel anything. Suddenly I could feel his mustache on my face, he kissed me on my cheek, and kept some plastic bag in my hands… Making me hold it…I shouted for help and kicked him harder.trying to free myself from his hold.

‘Bye Sweety. I’m going now, I’ll meet you next after fifteen years.’ that Man said in a creepy voice and I found my hands free suddenly. By then Bhaiya was up with a bright torch and we saw this man disappear into darkness, Bhaiya tried to catch him but he ran away.

‘Behen, Are you okay?’ RamLal bhaiya asked me. I nodded trying to catch my breath. I felt so disgusted for being touched by some unknown stalker. We walked down, bhaiya handed me a bottle of water. I finished the whole bottle. The security Bhaiya called Ronit and told him about what happened. I was blank about whatever happened to me just now. Ronit was almost half-way home, but he came back. I sat in the car. I sat in his car, Ronit pointed out the marks on my fist, that man’s finger marks. I felt so weak at that minute. I loathed myself for being so helpless at that moment. What would I have done if RamLal bhaiya wasn’t around at that time? I was molested in a span of few minutes.I did not even know who he was. All I knew was that he was a psycho stalker who followed me right from my school days. I did not recognize his voice, I did not know him at all. I went through the contents of the cover he handed me. It contained some love-letters written in blood, it freaked me out. I showed them to Ronit he was stunned too.The cover also had my photographs from very private occasions of my life.The occasions I shared only with my dear ones. I looked outside the window as we rode across marine drive. I cannot believe I left myself to be harrassed by some stalker and did nothing.I felt so disgusted at myself.

I looked at the letters once more… I did no recognize the hand writing… Who was this man? I closed my eyes trying to cool myself and trying to erase the nightmare I just had. Ronit looked at me with concern , he said ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have left…’

We soon reached in front of my apartment. I was about to get down from the car, when a face from my past flashed across my eyes. I knew that that was the face of the Man in the darkness.

Ronit asked ‘Hey, what happened?’

‘Turn around. We’re going to police station.’ I said browsing through those letters to confirm my gut-feeling.

‘But we do not know who he was, what will you tell them?’ Rohit asked turning around.

‘ I know who he was. The Man in the Darkness… I can’t believe it took me so long to recognize him…’ I said with conviction.

‘How do you know?You haven’t even seen his face.’ Ronit asked as we rode towards police station.

‘Every girl knows who that Man in the Darkness is by her instinct… It just takes extreme situations to make her realize his true face…’ I said trying hard to hide my tears from him. He looked at me and wiped them away. His touch was the only comfort I needed that minute, the rest I knew how to take care of…

———————————————————————————xxx—————————————————————————————————-

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Every weekend, we give out creative writing themes to rekindle the love of writing in all you creative writers.