Break and Back.

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So, you know the story so far. Quit job, took a break and now I am almost getting back to work in a week. I really like the job profile but I do have a few concerns regarding the other aspects. I hope I get to learn and also be the best at the job. It is something that I am looking at with a long term perspective. I am hoping that the compromises I am making would be worth it at the end of the day.

The time during my break has been brilliant. I absolutely enjoyed the time I got, be it travel or socialising. But, there was just not enough ‘me’ time. I enjoy spending time alone, a lot. I love taking myself out to the movies and eating out. This time I did not get to do much of that. I am not complaining though, because be it spending time with family or travelling with friends, I was grateful to have such loving human beings in my life. I agree there were days when I was absolutely done with people and also done advising them on how to solve their life problems when I hadn’t ever experienced any of those in my life. But I was always glad to have them in my life. It is funny how my life had a few significant events in the months that I was absolutely jobless. I didn’t get anywhere around chasing my creative pursuits but I did learn to cherish some people who were cheering and supporting me in their own little ways, which overwhelmed me in many ways than one.

I am now looking forward to crazy challenges and fun that is in store for me at the new place, and even more to the inspiring leaders, mentors and individuals I would meet in this new adventure. I think I chose this place because they spoke words that were very different from the other organizations that I interviewed at, where they would say ‘the everyday work could get boring and monotonous’ , but here I heard them say ‘there is never a dull day, every day we can be certain to learn something new’. I really wish this would be one of the choices that I would look back and be glad that I made this choice instead of choosing the more attractive option.

How do I end this one? Cheers to the future!

P.S – I forgot to mention, I made wine at home for the very first time during the break. And, I must say it is a strong one! 🙂

 

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Don’t Care.

Today was a busy day, just when I thought I finished my task for the day I get emails telling me I haven’t. Follow up emails. Worst aren’t they? Quite a funny situation!

In between me struggling to finish and not really ask for an extension, I get talking to a friend. It’s just amazing how caring a little bit would make people’s day. This friend was letting me know how much it meant to them that we turned up the other day. I dreaded the next question but I knew it was coming and that it affected them that much, why didn’t the others turn up? I had no answer, why did they pretend to care when they really did not? Why didn’t they even drop a message? I had no answer. I didn’t know really. People are weird. People’s priorities change with distance, time and phase they are in.

I had no explanation to offer. This friend had the most important day of their life and this hit them hard. I could feel that they had already done their share of over-thinking of the situation. Was it so hard to drop a message? Yes, it is not hard. It is just a message after all. The hard reality that I figured that day is that, people sometimes pretend to care. You believe them. Then one day, they stop pretending and you realise they did not care at all.

Don’t take it personally is the stupidest thing you could say to someone. Most adults are just kids with bodies of a grown up individuals. They will take it personally even it is just a professional decision. In reality kids are more forgiving and caring than most adults.

The key overall is, believe in people but believe in yourself more so that you can brush off the scratches and wipe your tears when you get hurt because you expected more from others. Or just that you expected them to be there, every time.

Just another day, like everyday. Teaching and learning!

Long Time, No see!

Hi There,

Long time no see, dear friend. How have you been?

So much has happened in the past few months that I do not know where to begin. Let me begin with this, I quit my job. The job that I was comfortable in, the one I was doing great at, the team I adored and the friends I grew attached to. I decided it was time to move on. I want to give myself a chance to explore something that I would possibly want to do for a long time, something that I could be passionate about, something that I would fall in love with. It is hard to leave behind all things and people that you are close to, but I did. There are days I miss working (I’d been a workaholic throughout) and seeing emails in the morning. But, I am also enjoying this break that was due from 4 years ago. This is my first break lasting a month in the last 4 years.

What did I do during the last few weeks? I travelled. I travelled to places that make me feel like a tiny speck in the universe. I travelled to a land that is called heaven on earth. I  travelled to Srinagar, Leh-Ladakh and Manali. And, what a trip it was! Jannat on earth for sure! The trip was also an eye-opener, I learnt so much about my privileges and also started appreciating people in my life more than I did before. I celebrated my birthday away from my usual world, away from internet and network towers. There was cup cakes in a tent, with friends staying awake playing games just to wish me. I was then sitting there stargazing, with a friend who would not let me go out alone. We sat there looking at shooting stars amidst the mountains in our camp. The daytime was spent at the Pangong lake, a lake I will never be able to describe that beauty with words. Absolutely stunning and unearthly Pangong lake! I couldn’t have asked for a better 25th birthday.

I spoke to my family 2 days after my birthday (because there was no network at our camp sites) and when my phone finally connected to WiFi I read my mom’s  sweet message only to find myself in a miserable teary eyed state. I was overwhelmed by the places I visited and then by the long distance phone calls from family and friends when they exclaimed how wonderful it was to listen to my voice after so long. Emotions choked me when I found out my friends called me over 20 times to just wish me but couldn’t get through, and more than that I was surprised at the people who remembered without any reminders on Facebook.

I finally got a chance to re-connect with my long lost friends over phone calls, now that I have begun to follow IST finally.  Yesterday, in specific was a day of phone calls. I got 2 call backs that I was expecting from a long time (fingers-crossed), one from my old colleague/classmate, one from my school bestie (she was having a great day like me), one from my childhood friend and finally I made one phone call to a school friend I promised to call ages ago.

The last phone call got me thinking, the phone call I made to was to the friend from my school. This is the friend who would be the first one to wish me on my birthday every year after my family, he had moved out of city after our class 12 and we’ve never met in person after that. But, I always knew what was up with him and vice-versa. He was someone who wasn’t the excellent student you would expect, but there was one thing that he was passionate about right from the school days – computers. I had no doubts that he would become a computer engineer, and he really did. Even though we only spoke on the phone, our banter was endless each time. Be it knowing about other’s crushes or blackmailing the other about revealing the secrets to the other’s crush, it was so much fun throughout all these years. More than anything else, he is a brother who would always look out for me, no matter which city I am in. I would occasionally get phone calls in a panicky voice ‘Hey, I heard there are riots going on. Are you okay? I was worried!’

Yesterday, however was different. I was expecting a boy from my high-school to answer my call but I spoke to a grown-up man. Well, as friends nothing had changed but the friend I knew had now matured. He was talking of his responsibilities and it wasn’t playful anymore. He had things to fix and people to take care of. He was speaking of everything in a calculated manner, a manner that I have heard my elders speak when I was a child. He spoke of events and not emotions. He had his life planned and spoke of looking out for alliances in a matter of fact voice. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that the little boy I knew had grown up, and now the world he lived in was very different. He was amazed at the carefree life that I am living, much different from the one he is. It was his birthday and he was still working, ‘another ordinary day’ he said. The call ended as usual, but this time I spoke to a whole new person.

I was amazed at how the careless kid I knew had grown up to be this responsible adult, deciding his own and his family’s life with conviction. I think maybe that’s what life is all about when it throws stones at you, pick them up and make a house out of it to protect your loved ones.

My yesterday passed thinking about the change that is the only constant in our lives, to be interrupted by the phone call of my NRI bestie. After much thought and deliberation I filled her in with some recent news from my life taking a promise that no other soul would hear of it. Leap of faith, I know.

Today, I figured that I had already wasted 2 days being a potato so I finally got my lazy ass out of my bed and cleaned my room, pulled out 2 books that I should be reading & then white sheets and paints to make me feel like an artist. Opened those damn windows to let the air in, changed curtains to let the sunlight into my life and turned those fairy light on for some fairy tale magic! 🙂

By the end of the day, I am planning my trip to Kerala that would happen next week. My friend might join me, but I’ve decided that solo or not I will do that trip. I have annoyed google with details on how I would be getting around the place. I am planning to make this a cheap and exciting trip, my budget is 5K (be it solo or not). I’ll be back next week after I am back to tell you if I did manage to stick to the budget.

Until we speak next time I want you to remember, no matter what is troubling you now do not take it to heart. It will pass. Things will change for better and you will have everything you dreamed of, even if it gets monotonous today tomorrow will bring the passion and excitement you crave for. Take it from me, it will! 🙂

Adios for now!

All my love,

Dhanya

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unfinished Painting

Unfinished painting leaning on the wall,

Spreads it’s love, it’s such a charm.

Inspired by the subjects, I picked up my brush,

Must get some colours straight from their lives, oh such leaders they have been.

Painting had then begun, but colours on them refused to dry.

I left them out there to dry, months and months untouched by brush.

That unfinished painting across the room,

Makes me smile, such a charm.

Right on the wall next to the charm, photographs of people I adore.

Photographs with smiling faces, of the ones I’ve known all my life. The ones I could refer to as my life.

Just above these pictures are the ones from my recent past. People I’ve come to love just way too much.

Unfinished painting across my room,

Fills me with life, oh such a charm.

Looking at the photographs and then back at the painting lit by fairy lights,

I contemplate my life decisions, yet again I’m in such a fix.

A dream I’ve dreamt from the time I do not even remember, and the life filled with the ones I treasure.

I must choose. I must be wise.

Unfinished painting across the room,

Helps me contemplate, it’s such a charm.

Above the painting are two hand made lamp shades, boasting of creativity that is somehow now lost.

The mild yellow light, tells me how I’m getting fond of some more just one step at a time.

I do not rhyme, I cannot whine. Cuz this is what I wanted so bad.

Unfinished painting leaning on the wall,

Love, Dreams & Life. You will always be a charm.

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