NOTORIOUS, BIG 3O!

Today is a rant about the one thing that any 25+ year old would have heard atleast once! You are getting old! The big 30 will be soon here! When will you get MARRIED?

Then you see your Instagram flooded with posts from your graduate college batchmates  who are rushing into matrimony because they are already 29! My friends are heard saying I’m already 28, my parents want me married by the time I am 29! And what if you turn 30 and are not married yet! Oh no! What will happen then? You’ll die alone! Just marry any Tom, Dick and Harry in your arranged matrimony, but before you turn thirtyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Hey it’s not so old school anymore! You actually get to date the person before you decide on getting married even in an arranged setting. Actually, not much has changed even there. I speak from the stories of my close friends and cousins.

Scene 1: Guy’s dad came home to see my friend and finds her suitable. Families exchanged congratulatory squeals! Wedding is fixed! The funny part is the 2 hadn’t even met when the marriage was fixed.

Scene 2: The marriage is fixed and the couple exchange numbers on the day of the engagement.

Scene 3: Wedding is fixed right in the first meeting, happens in a month.

All of these are to rush each of them into marriage before they approach the monster year! The big 30!

The scenes are scarier than they make a fuss of turning 30!

It feels like there is a time line to everything that is set by the society. Should be married by 30! Kids by 33! And then by 45 dealing with teenagers. When you are 50, just start forcing your children to follow the same cycle, warna log kya kahenge?

Of course, you need to spend on that big ass wedding with guests who don’t give a shit about you but are there only to eat, you will be paying for their accommodation and entertainment. Don’t your ageing parents need a place that they can spend their retirement money on and take loans? It’s about time you start taking loans too, the wedding ceremony where you marry a stranger who is also decorated and presented for the guests to look at and pass judgements, will be the perfect beginning that you would need to venture into the dark region of the bank loans. This is obviously presented glamorously in the television advertisements for jewellery with a few emotional scenes between the father and daughter, aww so perfect! So all this needs to be done before you hit the big 3O!

‘You know you would love this nice guy who is the only son, well settled he is! My god so handsome! Arrey, just meet him and then decide no? You won’t say no! You’re growing old, you don’t have much time in hand.’

‘See you look so nice! This is your second younger cousin who is getting married. You already are an elephant which has grown its teeth! You will be 30 in a couple of more years. What do you mean you are not settled yet? You have a job no? Come come you are wearing a saree also, perfect photo I’ll take, there was this family who was asking.’

‘Yeah yeah, you only get excited about your friend’s wedding? Come here, let’s have a talk. Don’t take examples from the family for all the marriages, there are happily married couples also. For example… Hmm no one I can think of for now, but there are plenty. Believe me. It’s the right age, before the monster 30 approaches!’ :O

‘You know, that uncle called me today. He told me about his daughter, 3 years your junior she is soon going to get married. He was asking what is your plan? I told him, she’s uselessly travelling the country like a nomad. Everyone can’t be blessed with obedient daughters like him, na?’

 

Having a regular dose of these on a daily basis, you would become an expert at gauging when the topic shift is about to happen and when the aunties, parents and entertainment seekers are mobbing up against you. You then quickly get up pick up your phone, pretend it is a very important phone call and walk away. If all of it happens too quick, pass a hurtful sarcastic remark about the sad marriages of the ones targeting you. Gain complete knowledge and gossip about failed engagements, marriages and dysfunctional relationships which have recently occurred in your friend circle or in the family and present them as your arguments. Quote celebrity lives who were older, have never been married and are happy as hell. Quote examples of happy late marriages, especially the ones around 40s. Gets you more time. Tell them about your dreams and ambitions (they wouldn’t care, but worth a try).

Yeah, so that is my rant of the whole rush of weddings before they turn 30! I think if you are really ready, love your partner and are absolutely sure of what you are getting into, only then do it. This could be when you are 20, when you are 30, when you are 50 or 60! Whenever, but when you are ready and sure.

I wish people would move away from just looking at one wedding day, and spending their money and effort on it but instead focus on the other things which make relationships and marriages worth it and not just an obligation.

 

My younger cousin is getting married next month, yeah it is a shotgun wedding. The guy and the girl haven’t met yet, but they are getting married. I am thinking if I should really risk it all,  my mood, happiness and sanity to be a part of her happiness/wedding, or should I just skip all the drama as usual to get angry phone calls from relatives?

 

I’ll decide on this later, but maybe all of us should give the big 30 a rest and make it not so significant 30. It is not a milestone. Life is not a race. We all have different milestones. Let us try and accept that?

Adios!

All my love,

Dhanya

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Break and Back.

WhatsApp Image 2018-06-18 at 17.53.41-2

So, you know the story so far. Quit job, took a break and now I am almost getting back to work in a week. I really like the job profile but I do have a few concerns regarding the other aspects. I hope I get to learn and also be the best at the job. It is something that I am looking at with a long term perspective. I am hoping that the compromises I am making would be worth it at the end of the day.

The time during my break has been brilliant. I absolutely enjoyed the time I got, be it travel or socialising. But, there was just not enough ‘me’ time. I enjoy spending time alone, a lot. I love taking myself out to the movies and eating out. This time I did not get to do much of that. I am not complaining though, because be it spending time with family or travelling with friends, I was grateful to have such loving human beings in my life. I agree there were days when I was absolutely done with people and also done advising them on how to solve their life problems when I hadn’t ever experienced any of those in my life. But I was always glad to have them in my life. It is funny how my life had a few significant events in the months that I was absolutely jobless. I didn’t get anywhere around chasing my creative pursuits but I did learn to cherish some people who were cheering and supporting me in their own little ways, which overwhelmed me in many ways than one.

I am now looking forward to crazy challenges and fun that is in store for me at the new place, and even more to the inspiring leaders, mentors and individuals I would meet in this new adventure. I think I chose this place because they spoke words that were very different from the other organizations that I interviewed at, where they would say ‘the everyday work could get boring and monotonous’ , but here I heard them say ‘there is never a dull day, every day we can be certain to learn something new’. I really wish this would be one of the choices that I would look back and be glad that I made this choice instead of choosing the more attractive option.

How do I end this one? Cheers to the future!

P.S – I forgot to mention, I made wine at home for the very first time during the break. And, I must say it is a strong one! 🙂

 

Don’t Care.

Today was a busy day, just when I thought I finished my task for the day I get emails telling me I haven’t. Follow up emails. Worst aren’t they? Quite a funny situation!

In between me struggling to finish and not really ask for an extension, I get talking to a friend. It’s just amazing how caring a little bit would make people’s day. This friend was letting me know how much it meant to them that we turned up the other day. I dreaded the next question but I knew it was coming and that it affected them that much, why didn’t the others turn up? I had no answer, why did they pretend to care when they really did not? Why didn’t they even drop a message? I had no answer. I didn’t know really. People are weird. People’s priorities change with distance, time and phase they are in.

I had no explanation to offer. This friend had the most important day of their life and this hit them hard. I could feel that they had already done their share of over-thinking of the situation. Was it so hard to drop a message? Yes, it is not hard. It is just a message after all. The hard reality that I figured that day is that, people sometimes pretend to care. You believe them. Then one day, they stop pretending and you realise they did not care at all.

Don’t take it personally is the stupidest thing you could say to someone. Most adults are just kids with bodies of a grown up individuals. They will take it personally even it is just a professional decision. In reality kids are more forgiving and caring than most adults.

The key overall is, believe in people but believe in yourself more so that you can brush off the scratches and wipe your tears when you get hurt because you expected more from others. Or just that you expected them to be there, every time.

Just another day, like everyday. Teaching and learning!

Long Time, No see!

Hi There,

Long time no see, dear friend. How have you been?

So much has happened in the past few months that I do not know where to begin. Let me begin with this, I quit my job. The job that I was comfortable in, the one I was doing great at, the team I adored and the friends I grew attached to. I decided it was time to move on. I want to give myself a chance to explore something that I would possibly want to do for a long time, something that I could be passionate about, something that I would fall in love with. It is hard to leave behind all things and people that you are close to, but I did. There are days I miss working (I’d been a workaholic throughout) and seeing emails in the morning. But, I am also enjoying this break that was due from 4 years ago. This is my first break lasting a month in the last 4 years.

What did I do during the last few weeks? I travelled. I travelled to places that make me feel like a tiny speck in the universe. I travelled to a land that is called heaven on earth. I  travelled to Srinagar, Leh-Ladakh and Manali. And, what a trip it was! Jannat on earth for sure! The trip was also an eye-opener, I learnt so much about my privileges and also started appreciating people in my life more than I did before. I celebrated my birthday away from my usual world, away from internet and network towers. There was cup cakes in a tent, with friends staying awake playing games just to wish me. I was then sitting there stargazing, with a friend who would not let me go out alone. We sat there looking at shooting stars amidst the mountains in our camp. The daytime was spent at the Pangong lake, a lake I will never be able to describe that beauty with words. Absolutely stunning and unearthly Pangong lake! I couldn’t have asked for a better 25th birthday.

I spoke to my family 2 days after my birthday (because there was no network at our camp sites) and when my phone finally connected to WiFi I read my mom’s  sweet message only to find myself in a miserable teary eyed state. I was overwhelmed by the places I visited and then by the long distance phone calls from family and friends when they exclaimed how wonderful it was to listen to my voice after so long. Emotions choked me when I found out my friends called me over 20 times to just wish me but couldn’t get through, and more than that I was surprised at the people who remembered without any reminders on Facebook.

I finally got a chance to re-connect with my long lost friends over phone calls, now that I have begun to follow IST finally.  Yesterday, in specific was a day of phone calls. I got 2 call backs that I was expecting from a long time (fingers-crossed), one from my old colleague/classmate, one from my school bestie (she was having a great day like me), one from my childhood friend and finally I made one phone call to a school friend I promised to call ages ago.

The last phone call got me thinking, the phone call I made to was to the friend from my school. This is the friend who would be the first one to wish me on my birthday every year after my family, he had moved out of city after our class 12 and we’ve never met in person after that. But, I always knew what was up with him and vice-versa. He was someone who wasn’t the excellent student you would expect, but there was one thing that he was passionate about right from the school days – computers. I had no doubts that he would become a computer engineer, and he really did. Even though we only spoke on the phone, our banter was endless each time. Be it knowing about other’s crushes or blackmailing the other about revealing the secrets to the other’s crush, it was so much fun throughout all these years. More than anything else, he is a brother who would always look out for me, no matter which city I am in. I would occasionally get phone calls in a panicky voice ‘Hey, I heard there are riots going on. Are you okay? I was worried!’

Yesterday, however was different. I was expecting a boy from my high-school to answer my call but I spoke to a grown-up man. Well, as friends nothing had changed but the friend I knew had now matured. He was talking of his responsibilities and it wasn’t playful anymore. He had things to fix and people to take care of. He was speaking of everything in a calculated manner, a manner that I have heard my elders speak when I was a child. He spoke of events and not emotions. He had his life planned and spoke of looking out for alliances in a matter of fact voice. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that the little boy I knew had grown up, and now the world he lived in was very different. He was amazed at the carefree life that I am living, much different from the one he is. It was his birthday and he was still working, ‘another ordinary day’ he said. The call ended as usual, but this time I spoke to a whole new person.

I was amazed at how the careless kid I knew had grown up to be this responsible adult, deciding his own and his family’s life with conviction. I think maybe that’s what life is all about when it throws stones at you, pick them up and make a house out of it to protect your loved ones.

My yesterday passed thinking about the change that is the only constant in our lives, to be interrupted by the phone call of my NRI bestie. After much thought and deliberation I filled her in with some recent news from my life taking a promise that no other soul would hear of it. Leap of faith, I know.

Today, I figured that I had already wasted 2 days being a potato so I finally got my lazy ass out of my bed and cleaned my room, pulled out 2 books that I should be reading & then white sheets and paints to make me feel like an artist. Opened those damn windows to let the air in, changed curtains to let the sunlight into my life and turned those fairy light on for some fairy tale magic! 🙂

By the end of the day, I am planning my trip to Kerala that would happen next week. My friend might join me, but I’ve decided that solo or not I will do that trip. I have annoyed google with details on how I would be getting around the place. I am planning to make this a cheap and exciting trip, my budget is 5K (be it solo or not). I’ll be back next week after I am back to tell you if I did manage to stick to the budget.

Until we speak next time I want you to remember, no matter what is troubling you now do not take it to heart. It will pass. Things will change for better and you will have everything you dreamed of, even if it gets monotonous today tomorrow will bring the passion and excitement you crave for. Take it from me, it will! 🙂

Adios for now!

All my love,

Dhanya