dreams

Roots. Home. Dreams

Roots, home, and dreams. Three words, very warm, very distant from eatch other. This is true for a large group of people, like me. We are all growing up in a place, far away from our roots, that we call our home. Slowly, we grow wings and fly. Fly to chase our dreams, dreams which are far away from our homes, far far away from our roots.We, are indeed a puzzle which can be completed when all three of them; the roots, the home and the dreams fit perfectly together, otherwise there is commotion and unrest.

A question that often haunts me ( like it haunts you) is when I am asked ‘which is your favourite among the three? ‘. How do I answer that?

I have contemplated on this subject many a times, unable to find definite answers to the many questions that surround me. Where do I actually belong? Which among the three do I love more? Is is betrayal if I have a preference for one place over the other? Whom will I support if there is a crisis? What will I do if someone calls me an outsider in the place I grew up? Will I punch their face so hard that it will no longer be recognisable to others? 😛

The thing is that being a part of three different states/cities at the same time, I have grown to love all three of them.There are mood swings and my preference for one of these over the other also changes. I beam with pride when I hear about the accomplishments from any of the three places. I recognise the flaws of all three, even as I love them unconditionally. Somehow, I cannot tolerate when someone else critiques them even as I endlessly find faults in the three. Inspite of loving all three of them equally, I’m always at loss of words when someone asks me where are I am from. They wouldn’t understand that, I am from the place I have my roots in, because that place has always showered unconditional love to me even though I go there only occasionally. I am also from the place I call my home, because my family, my friends, my life has been a gift to me from this place. I also belong to the city where my dreams reside because it took me in with open arms when I was nothing and made me feel I belong.  I need all three of them to feel complete. I do not know what to answer when I am asked,  ‘ Which place do you prefer among the three?’

They do not understand, that you cannot draw comparisons between the air, the water and the fire.  

Nothing, can be like the other.

And nothing, will remain without them.

 

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Growing up.Moving on.

Growing up sucks! Yeah Monica was right when she said Rachel ‘Welcome to real world, it sucks! You’re going to love it!’  I fully understand what she meant today.

I’m right now in a state where I can’t exactly explain what I feel. I’m in betweens situations where there is extreme happiness of making it to where I felt I belonged ,  and that fix when you ask why did this happen only to you. Then I see the silver lining in the situations.After a long time I’m actually going to pursue something that my heart told me to pursue and not what the brain forced me to. I’m taking a leap of faith and I’m sure no matter where I get after this I won’t regret it. I might make money or I might not, but that’s not why I want to do it. I want to go to SIMC because i want to be a part of something I love, I want to work in a field where I’ll enjoy whatever I do.

Engg has not been a jolly ride for me. Every day I sat in any class, one thing that was a constant was the thought ‘why the hell am I here? I hate this thing!’  I made great friends, I’ve had amazing experiences, learnt a lot of things in life, had my many first experiences in engg, I learnt to fail, I learnt to pull myself up and walk looking everyone right in the eye, I learnt not to involve in things/events/people that you are sure are a waste of time, I learnt not to judge people but to understand them, I learnt a lot about life here. But one thing I hated throughout engg was the course it self, there was absolutely no passion. I think if you are yet to join engg and are doing it just for the sake of it, then stop. Do not waste 4years of your life. Do not do something just for the sake of doing it, do it because that’s what your heart wants. Of course you’ll get a job at the end of 4 years. You’ll get your degree certificate, but then what’s the use when you are not happy? What is the use when you have no passion for the subject? What is the use when you do not belong there? What is the use of living the rest of your life feeling the same way? So do yourself a favor and take the subject you actually are passionate about. Maybe it’ll pay you less, so what? Choti gadi,chota ghar but you’ll be happy 🙂

That’s exactly what I’m going to do now. Do what my heart tells me. I might suck at it initially, but I’ll get better. I’ll definitely get much better and that getting better is success for me.

Yes, I’m scared. I’m shit scared, new place, new people, new subject. I’m so tempted to stay back, now that people I love are having a hard time, I feel like stating back for them. But then again, their strength, honesty and faith makes me feel proud of being associated with them. I’ve understood well that life is not about the romantic and glittery picture that is shown in movies or books, it is how much you can smile when opening eyes to face another day is the worst nightmare. Love is about how in times when your loved ones can not stop worrying, that conviction with which you say everything will be alright, I’m there for you always.

I’m so glad for everything I have right now. I’m thankful for this moment and mainly for the people in my life. My family and friends. When it gets hard for me to hide emotions swirling in my head, that’s when smile comes handy. The most precious jewel that anyone can ever possess ; smile!

I know this whole article is haphazard but then so is life. Moments and memories add are thrown at us and are so haphazardly but look at the end picture, that’s beautiful with everything haphazard that fits with each other so perfectly.

One week and project viva, my birthday, then I leave my nest the next day to find where is it that I actually belong. I’m looking forward to my life in SIMC and to enjoying everything that I do.

Wish me luck and also hope that  all those troubles melt away soon. 🙂

Anyway you take care and be thankful for your blessings. 🙂

Random

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Wishing for things start at a very young age,

At three I wished I had an extra doll,

Then I wished for a basket ball,

Later I wished for good grades

And then wished to get a loved one healed.

I wished for a life without loneliness

And then wished for some ‘me’ time.

When I found everything around fake.

 I wished for a true friend-I found you!

 And then so many of you!

All I now wish for is ,

 That I’m on someone’s wish list too! =D

  

Everyday I make a new wish, everyday I choose among my wishes, to prioritize them is a tough deal.I fight with myself every single day, to choose my right and wrong.I get punished every single day by my conscious because my one choice had proven wrong. Then again there are days when I just feel so helpless unable to control the wild me.

 Things I thought were wrong yesterday seem so right today. Things I forbid myself  from doing yesterday are the things I freely profess today. Things which scared me yesterday, are new challenges for me today.My secrets I didn’t share with any one  till yesterday is out for discussion today, because I chose it to be out. I feel as if, I am a whole new person today and the girl I was yesterday is merely a girl whom I knew. My fairy-world has changed to a real world; the princess in it has started facing the real world. And is improvising herself, to adapt to her new surroundings. She has found new friends, but real or fake she just doesn’t know yet. But don’t worry she is now strong enough to” get up and move on”, on her own if she ever falls. She still misses her old world and her old friends, who she knows is true to her. Every time she meets even one of them ,her old world, old dreams old wishes…. just come alive instantly… and then ….slowly fade away… 

Her eyes still shine when she thinks of her dream. She still makes a wish,everyday….

 For a better world tomorrow.

She still loves her family and friends the same way.

Well maybe a little more now…

She still misses her best friend.

She still wants her fairyland back .

P.s-without the demons in it.

 Her voice still shivers and her eyes still gets wet when she browses through her old memories….

But she has changed….. hopefully into a stronger person.

A better human being.