love

Breaks that bring life with it.

I am in a very happy phase of my life right now. My life  presently is almost perfect though there are a few thorns on the way, they don’t seem like a huge mountain from my present view.

I am on my semester vacation for two weeks, which was a break that I was waiting for from a very long time. I wished to revive my summer vacation memories from my childhood by visiting our ancestral home where my grandparents had lived. I remember the days we went around and played hide and seek and the whole gang of cousins who rushed down there for vacations sat by the pond munching mangoes.Granddad used to tell us interesting stories and tales from the famous epics, from Mahabharata, Ramayana and stories of little Jesus and stories of Krishna’s. We would fight to get a spot next to Granpa just to hear his stories more clearly. Granpa and Granma would make us homemade chips and out of which Granpa was the head cook for all the delicacies that were cooked for us and were our favourites. The way he treated us, the way he treated my mom and the way he behaved at home would be the standard that every man entering our lives  and wishes to stay would have to match.

But this was the story from my childhood days but the situation now is very different. The house now lies uninhabited along with the neighbouring houses that were rustling with happy noises in the past are now replaced with a silence that echoes of memories from the past. Every door, every corner that I revisited talk about the people that once lived there, of the family that grew up there, of the children who were married off from the same house, of the little kids who were cheerfully welcomed by the grandparents, of stories how they grew older together and so did their grandparents. The households in its heart stories of a young man who was essentially  self-made, honest and loving. The man whom the entire village respected and came looking for advice.The house had seen a man who was an adored teacher and headmaster to every child who grew up in the locality, he was also a man who loved his land a farmer. The house was also home to a woman who was again above most common women of her times, a woman who was a teacher that too of a language that is not native to the land she stayed in, she was the one who supported the man of the house who looked after his mother who lost her memories like her own along with being a working woman, a mother and a farmer herself.

But comparing the present situation with past will mostly lead us to disappointments.My cousins and I have now grown up.Our timetables don’t match each other’s anymore. We no longer get  summer vacations. Everyone is getting a hang of responsibilities and each one of us trying our hardest to get used to being ‘an adult’. It is painful to see closed doors. But life has to go on and it is imperative that we change. It is important to grow up.

With time changing I have realized that I am no longer a child whose opinion is gullible. I have developed strong opinions on different subjects. Though I feel I should know my roots but I no longer am able to love people I once loved so dearly. I find them to be so disgusting at times that there is no point trying to convince them to open their closed brains to the bigger better world,  to get to know people from all walks of lives without prejudices and lame biases.

I used to see people previously either in white or black light, but I have over the years learnt no one is completely black or white, everyone is grey sometimes maybe with either of the two colours taking prominence over the other.  I now see People in different shades of grey.

There is also another thing I’ve come to realise some relationships in life are much more than blood relations. I have come to realise that after my family, it is not any relative that I would be willing to do anything for, it would be my neighbours and my friends.

I always wondered if it was possible to stop loving someone, I now know it is possible.  This break so far has taught me a lot of things that no textbook would ever. The life experiences I saw, people I met and the situations that changed the whole meaning of living for me was my biggest takeaway from my semester break.

Breaks and holidays help us grow into better human beings because it often takes us far from our mundane selves who are self-obsessed and selfish, Breaks help us reconnect with ourselves and others and makes us rethink our priorities.

Uncomplicate.

We care about wrong things, wrong people and wrong emotions that leave our life messed up and complicated. We do not express when we have to, we do not speak when our voices need to be heard, and we shy away from facing the light when that’s what we always yearned for.

We often find ourselves envying little kids. Mostly because they speak their mind when we cannot. They laugh at silly things and find happiness in smallest deeds that we chose to ignore. Ever wondered why we are often amazed at the innocence that they display?

The little children do not need big degrees or fancy houses to feel happy and content. They do not think of status before talking to a shabbily dressed kid across the street. They do not forge friendships because of greed. They do not make false promises nor do they shy away from being straightforward. They do not shy away from expressing love , dislike or desire. They often lose count of number of friends they have mainly because they are friends with everyone in their class. They are least tolerant to injustice, they cry and scream if they feel they are being wrongly treated. They talk about everything under the sun and even about the child next door whom they would marry when they grew up. They have no false pretenses.They share hugs and kisses without much thought.They dance and sing without requiring an occasion to do so. They do all this by being just themselves, children.

We on the other hand are not happy even with our fancy houses and degrees. We do not talk to a shabbily dressed person sitting next to us, well that is status. We often are blinded by greed when we forge friendships, and we get depressed when such friendships lose meaning after some time.  We do not realize that booze, money and party is not all that, what friends are for. We cannot afford to be straightforward and tell our friends when they go wrong, for the fear of losing them. We cannot even tell someone we like them again for the fear of losing them. We choose to love people with a set of conditions and changes applied to ourselves. We avoid confrontations, why? Because hey life will be much simpler with them and we are adults we cannot have simple lives. We do not laugh when we feel like, because we are well-mannered. We do not cry when we feel like, of-course we cannot show we’re fragile. We choose to be depressed but we would never share our feelings with others. We cannot see the beauty and the bliss that surrounds us, mainly because we are busy searching for things that are going wrong. We do not appreciate what we have until we lose it. We live under the umbrella of being responsible and forget we are not carrying the burden of the world on our shoulders. We cannot question without being judged. We do not ask for a hug when we need one. We do not stop even when we witness injustice, because we are trained to be scared. We choose to walk away.

Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we complicating our simple life? Why do we not have time for anybody anymore? Why are we cribbing and ranting all the time? Why do we chose money over happiness , Work over family,and stress over peace?  We need to stop this crazy maddening race, and look at the mess we have created for ourselves. We need to clean up the mess before it starts piling up.This mess can be cleared away by doing just one thing right looking at our life through the eyes of a child.

Let us un-complicate our lives and be little children again. Let us ask for a hug when we want one. Let us not lie when we need to speak the truth. Let us express not to impress, but because we need to express. Let us not hide behind our blankets when we witness injustice,let us scream let us shout. Let us let others know when we like them, more so when we love them. Let us really realize that we do not lose anyone by letting them know what they mean to us.Let us not be afraid to cry when we are hurt. Let us not bother ourselves with nasty comments passed by strangers. Let us say thank you when someone helps us, even if they are paid to do that. Let us accept our mistakes and say sorry without letting our egos get ahead of us. Let us treat everyone with the  respect that we expect from them.Let us start expressing that we care. Let us learn to be polite. Let us learn to understand and not judge. Let us learn to smile, for no reason at all. Let us learn to stop. Just stop whenever we feel like. Let us make time for more in life, not just for people in our phones but for real people in our lives. Let us experience happiness. Let us sing and dance whenever we feel like, without letting any tomorrow bother our today.

Let us un-complicate our lives. Let us live the rest of our lives like a child.

The Day.

I was fast asleep. A quick afternoon nap, I had lied to my prof about being sick,bunked college that day and was enjoying my lazy day. So happy and I had the best dream in a long time. I dreamt about my best friend Niku and me pulling a crazy prank on our professor. I couldn’t wait to tell her about it. I was going to call her up when my mom shouts at me for not waking up early, for lying to my prof and not having food on time. Oh such a moment spoiler! And which sane person on this earth wakes up early on a holiday!

But then again if I say anything now, I know I’ll be doing dishes for the whole of next week. So I slowly pull myself out of my bed and finish my daily chores, yeah brushing and having my breakfast. Coffee in my hand and  I skim through the newspaper. I mean is there anything more peaceful than the combination of these two? (Of course I mean Page3 when I say newspaper!)

 

Then I remember I have to call Niku to tell her about my dream! I pick my phone and dial her number, well it’s ringing. That idiot wasn’t picking up my calls! Nothing annoys me more than this. I decide to boycott her calls when she calls me. I turn on the WiFi and check my msgs on Whatsapp.So many notifications! What has happened I wonder!

I read a message from my classmate Suresh ‘Earthquake in Nepal! Any news from them?’

I call him up almost immediately, ‘When did it happen? Did you hear from them? They are safe aren’t they?’  I bombard these questions at him in a single breath with my voice shaking.

Suresh replies in negative. I was breathless and collapse into a chair. My mom panics looking at my state, questions me what happened. I tell her to watch the news and hurriedly try calling Niku on her phone,leave a zillion msgs ‘ Are you’ll okay? Are you safe? Please reply! Please I’m so scared please reply!’

I try calling the restof them on their mobiles too. I call the helpline number , no use. The rest of my classmates were panicking too. We had no clue where our friends were at that very moment. We didn’t know if they were safe. They had gone just to enjoy, a last trip before the college ended. I didn’t go in spite of them forcing me to because I had to prepare for my exams. I so regret it now. I do not know where my buddies are, where my Niku is , where Avi is . I just do not know. I was getting dreadful thoughts and I cannot even explain how anxious I was. Tears haven’t stopped from the time I heard the news.I kept praying for their safety. I kept checking my phone like a fanatic for one msg from Niku and Avi. I could feel every second passing, every minute seemed like an hour. My mom kept comforting me saying Niku and the rest of them would be Safe. ‘Yes they will be. They have no other choice but to be safe’ I kept reassuring myself. They will be safe.

5 hours passed and no msgs, no information about them.Around 6.30 I get a phone call that felt like heaven, the name flashed on the phone screen Niku . I picked up the call, I cried and laughed at the same time ‘Niku…’

‘Yes. I’m fine. At the airport. We’ll be flying out tomorrow. I’ll come home and call you.The network is shaky bye’ She said in a shaky voice with most words unclear.

‘I’ll be waiting’ I said from this end. This one phone call calmed ns me down a little bit. Mom forced me to have dinner, I ate very little. I sat infront of the TV watching the horrifying news, tears running down my eyes but thankful that my friends are safe. I could imagine how traumatised they were at that exact moment. I tried calling Niku,Avi and the rest of them but phones were not reachable, that’s okay at least they were safe.

I couldn’t get much sleep. I kept twisting and turning the whole night. I reached the airport first thing in the morning. I kept waiting for them to arrive at the terminal, I couldn’t wait to laugh at silly things with Niku and for the warm teddy bear hugs from Avi. All of their parents were at the terminal too. Niku’s ma sat beside me with her swollen eyes and red nose, not taking the eyes off  the passengers arrival point. I gave her a tight hug and held her hands tight. We waited for them to arrive. There after long hours of waiting I spotted them. We ran towards them. Aunty and I hugged Niku together. She was in a devastated condition. I smiled at her. ‘ You were brave!’ I said hugging her tight.

She kept looking at me while I went and hugged the rest of my classmates. All of them looked at me the same way Niku did.

‘Come let’s go home’  I said.

Niku and I got into her car. Aunty and uncle sat in the front. They dropped me off at my home,

While getting down I asked her

‘ Avi went directly to Mumbai right? Is  his phone reachable now?’

‘Avi… Is never going to be reachable now!’ Niku said bursting into tears.

I understood the look on everyone’s faces at the airport. I blanked out and my world went spiralling. I collapsed.

Niku held me and took me inside my home. My mom was delighted to see Niku, but didn’t understand my condition.

I think that’s what Niku said to my mom ‘Avi passed away.’

‘Omg!The boy You did your assignments with na beta.’ Mom almost said something more I don’t remember.

Niku stared at me helplessly and I just sat still unable to comprehend, I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t shout. I couldn’t do anything more. I had no voice. I didn’t exist anymore.  I didn’t make any sense anymore. I was void.

 

#NepalEarthquake #beSafe #prayers

CRUSH :D

‘Twang’ went the basketball into the basket, his team hugged him in celebration, he tilted hid head side-ward, ‘Oh shit!’ I gasped, ‘Neeta I guess he saw us looking at him’ Neeta said ‘Chill ya, we were looking at the entire team play 😉 ‘ Does this tickle any cute memories from your school or college life? Remember that Senior you used to have a crush on,or the prettiest girl in your class whom you liked, oh the crush on your lecturer is still a little embarrassing isn’t it? Remember the guy who turned around eighty times in thirty minutes to catch a glimpse of you in the class? Do you still remember the dance that stole your heart away or the soothing voice or that one quality that separated your special someone from the rest of the world? All this when your friends kept telling, ‘You like him/Her? OH god! That person is so ugly!’ , in spite of all that you still had a crush on that special someone in your school, college or any other place you found them in. 🙂 😛  Oh well, are you blushing thinking of that crush or you’re thinking about how stupid you acted at that time? You need not think that you are alone in it,every person reading this had or still has a crush on someone or the other. You are definitely not alone in it. crushes. This fact is very well known to all those romance writers and those movie producers, who cash in on our sentiments and our secret crushes to sell their movie or the book. Next time your close friend says ‘No, I do not have a crush on anyone’ you get up and call that a ‘Bluff’, because now I’ve told you the secret. My friend forced me to write about the most interesting subject to gossip about ‘ crush ‘.

I’m going to list down the symptoms you have when you are down with the fever called the crush, maybe you could relive those ‘irritatingly exciting moments with me’.

Firstly, how do you develop a crush on someone?

Answer: Mainly most crushes develop when you notice those special features or talents that you do not posses or you do and once these features or talents are spotted you are helplessly drawn to the person. Sometimes crushes also start with your friends misleading you with the statements ‘You know we think you guys will look cute together’ or ‘you know he/she keeps looking at you’ or ‘ I think he/she likes you’ or ‘OMG! he/she is so handsome’. When you hear such things you suddenly start noticing a person you didn’t even know existed till yesterday. Yes. Most infatuations/crush/like begin because of your friends…

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Now what are the initial symptoms of this illness? 😛

Answer:

  • You start hyperventilating at the sight of the person.

  • You hope desperately that the person or your friends do not notice this.

  • You pretend to act cool try and catch a good glimpse of the person, of-course you don’t make it obvious.

  • You are constantly worried if it shows on your face. (‘My face didn’t swell up did it)

  • You get an accidental text from that person you do a tiny little dance to celebrate, and grin for hours which makes people around you wonder if you’ve lost it!

  • Even in texts you are too careful not to reveal anything. (Hi! 🙂 *thinks ‘Is it a little too much? Does the emoticon tell that I like him? * 😀 )

  • You dream about them! most of the time ( wow, this is serious 😛 )

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When does the crush turn into a mild headache?

Answer: The crush becomes a headache when your annoying friends get to know about it. Didn’t you just sigh when you read that? You are more scared that your friends know about it rather than the person itself. You know the torture that awaits.

These are the few things that happen when your friends know about the person you have a crush on.

* Your friends talk about your crush in the loudest possible manner, don’t they realise it’s a secret. ‘Susssh guys. People can hear!’

 

*They laugh out loud whenever your crush passes by and call our your name so loudly that the whole school/college can hear it, though they are sitting right next to you. ( ‘Oh stop it you guys!’)

* If they are acquainted to your crush they mention repeatedly how cute you guys are/ you guys should be dating/ how you and your crush have a similar taste etc in front of your crush.

* They come up with situations where you and your crush spend some quality time( read as awkward and embarrassing time) together.

* If you do not know your crush properly, your friends volunteer to make contacts with that person (‘You know my hostel mate’s classmate’s room-mate is his friend, we could ask them to join us for the trip na?’    Me: ‘Please,no! just don’t embarrass me any more,please’ (You beg them, but you know no use))

* They swear not to tell anyone about it, but then in a week the whole college knows , URGGHH! those idiots. Does he/she know about it too? I’d rather change my college now.

*They even make songs about you two.Special songs meant for you guys that only your friends and you know, for the rest of them it is just another normal song. Anytime they want to tease you, they sing the song be it in the middle of a very important lecture when you can’t even react. You are like ‘ I’ll kill you’ll today’today’

  * If any limit is set for embarrassment, all limits will be crossed to embarrass you, well you had to think twice before you became friends with them. Ab bhugto!

* They cyber-stalk the person,like craaazy. ‘You do know that there is a tiny little swing on the left-side of the right corner of his house right?'(Me: How the hell do you know that?)

* They stare at your crush whenever he/she passes by and give you the wickedest smile, then nudge the person next to them and point a finger at your crush and say ‘That person is her crush, there in the blue tee-shirt , on the bullet , see right there’ (‘Someone kill me now!’)

*They almost make sure your crush gets a hint about it, at least they make sure that your crush starts noticing you. 

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What happens after the annoying friends phase?

Answer: You start annoying your friends with how amazing your crush looks today, how awesome they sing etc.

Below are the things that you would do after or during the annoying-friends phase of your crush period.

*Did you notice the way he looked today? So handsome!

* Did you know he/she is an excellent dancer/singer/sportsperson too!

*He/she loves dogs guys, isn’t that cute?

* I’m friends-with him/her on FB! So cool na? *  Me: I’ve to tell you guys something!            Friends: ‘What?’ Me: Long story after the class 😛   Friends: You always do this. :/

*ME: You’ll want to know what I dreamt about last night?            Friends: ‘no thanks, it’ll be some lame shit about that crush!    ME: Whatever!

  • You want to go watch that movie at 2.00 in INOX today? Friends: Why? Is your crush going there today?

  • His/her mom is pretty too. Friends: You cyber-stalked again. Yeah.(Looks down at the phone)

  • There is some girl/ guy with my crush on my crush’s dp! 😦 (pray that they are your crush’s brother/sister/cousin. They do look similar,pakka cousin 😀 )

  • Did you see this pic, such an adventure lover!                          Friends: Yeah, you can’t even climb the stairs, lazy bum.

*You won’t believe but he/she is a guitarist/drummer. Isn’t that awesome?

So this phase also passes then you either get bored of the crush or a more awesome person is spotted and your crush shifts from the present person and to the other or then you end up dating your crush and live happily ever after.

No,the last one is least probable, because most of us like living with regrets in our hearts. I mean if you’re 80 years old and have no regrets in your life then what’s the whole point of living,isn’t it? So you won’t ever tell your crush, that you had a crush and nor will your crush tell you the that they had a crush on you, because you know, you like living with regrets and you like not confessing thing, it’s so awesome. 😛

Or you do confess but then your crush smiles and says ‘ Oh that’s too cute, I like you too as a friend.’

Or you date your crush because your idiotic friends made it happen.

Having a Crush is that one thing that is full potential, it is up to you wheather you want to pursue it further or just enjoy the moment and let it pass. Whatever it is , it is that one phase that you become all needy,clingy, whiny and a little lunatic too.

Having a crush keeps your life interesting. Even after ten years at the college/school reunion when you and your friends are cracking jokes and someone brings up this topic in front of your crush, who would be still be unaware … Friend : ‘You remember the time when you had a crush on…’

You strangle your friend saying : ‘ Shut up, or I swear I’ll kill you.’

P.S: This post is dedicated to my annoying but amazing friends who forced me to write on this topic. I’m going to miss you’ll so badly. Love you’ll.College/School was fun only because you guys were by my side. Specially written for Bhavya and Apoorva. :*  This post is also dedicated to all my friends’ crushes and also a few of mine 😛 ; the lecturer, the school friend, the 80 times head turner 😛 , the senior, the super-senior, the abacus mate, the best-friend, the I don’t know you in college but I know you when I text person, etc. All the above mentioned people, thanks for existing and making our lives  fun 🙂 And also dedicated to all the crushes of my readers, who went down the memory lane reminiscing their own experiences while reading this.Even if you thought this was bull-shit, thanks for reading till the end. Cheers! :* 🙂