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Long Time, No see!

Hi There,

Long time no see, dear friend. How have you been?

So much has happened in the past few months that I do not know where to begin. Let me begin with this, I quit my job. The job that I was comfortable in, the one I was doing great at, the team I adored and the friends I grew attached to. I decided it was time to move on. I want to give myself a chance to explore something that I would possibly want to do for a long time, something that I could be passionate about, something that I would fall in love with. It is hard to leave behind all things and people that you are close to, but I did. There are days I miss working (I’d been a workaholic throughout) and seeing emails in the morning. But, I am also enjoying this break that was due from 4 years ago. This is my first break lasting a month in the last 4 years.

What did I do during the last few weeks? I travelled. I travelled to places that make me feel like a tiny speck in the universe. I travelled to a land that is called heaven on earth. I  travelled to Srinagar, Leh-Ladakh and Manali. And, what a trip it was! Jannat on earth for sure! The trip was also an eye-opener, I learnt so much about my privileges and also started appreciating people in my life more than I did before. I celebrated my birthday away from my usual world, away from internet and network towers. There was cup cakes in a tent, with friends staying awake playing games just to wish me. I was then sitting there stargazing, with a friend who would not let me go out alone. We sat there looking at shooting stars amidst the mountains in our camp. The daytime was spent at the Pangong lake, a lake I will never be able to describe that beauty with words. Absolutely stunning and unearthly Pangong lake! I couldn’t have asked for a better 25th birthday.

I spoke to my family 2 days after my birthday (because there was no network at our camp sites) and when my phone finally connected to WiFi I read my mom’s  sweet message only to find myself in a miserable teary eyed state. I was overwhelmed by the places I visited and then by the long distance phone calls from family and friends when they exclaimed how wonderful it was to listen to my voice after so long. Emotions choked me when I found out my friends called me over 20 times to just wish me but couldn’t get through, and more than that I was surprised at the people who remembered without any reminders on Facebook.

I finally got a chance to re-connect with my long lost friends over phone calls, now that I have begun to follow IST finally.  Yesterday, in specific was a day of phone calls. I got 2 call backs that I was expecting from a long time (fingers-crossed), one from my old colleague/classmate, one from my school bestie (she was having a great day like me), one from my childhood friend and finally I made one phone call to a school friend I promised to call ages ago.

The last phone call got me thinking, the phone call I made to was to the friend from my school. This is the friend who would be the first one to wish me on my birthday every year after my family, he had moved out of city after our class 12 and we’ve never met in person after that. But, I always knew what was up with him and vice-versa. He was someone who wasn’t the excellent student you would expect, but there was one thing that he was passionate about right from the school days – computers. I had no doubts that he would become a computer engineer, and he really did. Even though we only spoke on the phone, our banter was endless each time. Be it knowing about other’s crushes or blackmailing the other about revealing the secrets to the other’s crush, it was so much fun throughout all these years. More than anything else, he is a brother who would always look out for me, no matter which city I am in. I would occasionally get phone calls in a panicky voice ‘Hey, I heard there are riots going on. Are you okay? I was worried!’

Yesterday, however was different. I was expecting a boy from my high-school to answer my call but I spoke to a grown-up man. Well, as friends nothing had changed but the friend I knew had now matured. He was talking of his responsibilities and it wasn’t playful anymore. He had things to fix and people to take care of. He was speaking of everything in a calculated manner, a manner that I have heard my elders speak when I was a child. He spoke of events and not emotions. He had his life planned and spoke of looking out for alliances in a matter of fact voice. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that the little boy I knew had grown up, and now the world he lived in was very different. He was amazed at the carefree life that I am living, much different from the one he is. It was his birthday and he was still working, ‘another ordinary day’ he said. The call ended as usual, but this time I spoke to a whole new person.

I was amazed at how the careless kid I knew had grown up to be this responsible adult, deciding his own and his family’s life with conviction. I think maybe that’s what life is all about when it throws stones at you, pick them up and make a house out of it to protect your loved ones.

My yesterday passed thinking about the change that is the only constant in our lives, to be interrupted by the phone call of my NRI bestie. After much thought and deliberation I filled her in with some recent news from my life taking a promise that no other soul would hear of it. Leap of faith, I know.

Today, I figured that I had already wasted 2 days being a potato so I finally got my lazy ass out of my bed and cleaned my room, pulled out 2 books that I should be reading & then white sheets and paints to make me feel like an artist. Opened those damn windows to let the air in, changed curtains to let the sunlight into my life and turned those fairy light on for some fairy tale magic! 🙂

By the end of the day, I am planning my trip to Kerala that would happen next week. My friend might join me, but I’ve decided that solo or not I will do that trip. I have annoyed google with details on how I would be getting around the place. I am planning to make this a cheap and exciting trip, my budget is 5K (be it solo or not). I’ll be back next week after I am back to tell you if I did manage to stick to the budget.

Until we speak next time I want you to remember, no matter what is troubling you now do not take it to heart. It will pass. Things will change for better and you will have everything you dreamed of, even if it gets monotonous today tomorrow will bring the passion and excitement you crave for. Take it from me, it will! 🙂

Adios for now!

All my love,

Dhanya

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The wrong turn?

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Chasing the stars when all you ever dreamt of was the sun.

Stars are glittery, everyone around you is busy chasing them. Stars are glamorous, stars are shiny and soothing, stars make you so happy that you even forget you ever even dreamt of the sun. Stars give you a mesmerising reason to chase them, from where you stand the sun seems so distant, so blurry and so vague. You are changing  yourself in the star chase to get better at the race. You are challenging and pushing yourself to dangerous heights that you would otherwise never have embarked on. So while losing  old identity, you forming a new one which might have no traces of old scent left on it soon. Convinced that you are happy, you are continuing to chase the stars.

Sure it was destiny that pushed you to chase the stars. While you were pushed into this road, you had made a promise to yourself that the sun is your final destination no matter what. But now that this race makes you incredibly satisfied and happy, you tend to tell yourself “Maybe this is what I actually wanted! Maybe I’m not meant to reach out to the sun”.

Maybe once you get to the star you will be surprised and glad about all the choices you made, or it could also happen that in your death bed, after winning the race, all you would wish for is for another chance to chase the sun.

The funny thing about this situation is that you will never know if you were right in chasing the stars or you regret in not being a sun chaser till you reach the end.

To reach the end is, to see tomorrow. Tomorrow is the hope and dream of every today, but the actual face of tomorrow is always hidden from the eyes of today.